Budapest - The Szechenyi Spa and Tourist Experience

1) Thermal Spas:

If you come to Budapest, you must visit atleast one of the thermal spas. I went to Szechenyi which is huge and stunning. You need half a day minimum to enjoy it. 

Skip the treatments offered by the English speaking representative in the foyer and buy them from the ticket counter. You want the real Hungarian experience for less than half the price and it's what the locals get. 

For £30, I got a simple pedicure, 45 minute massage and entry into the indoor thermal spa. A bargain pamper, however no one speaks fluent English or English at all. All signs are in Hungarian so good luck. You will be given a waterproof wrist tag which allows you to enter and lock/unlock your cabin or locker. It has your treatments recorded so the staff knows what you've paid for. 

Expect to get lost through the maze of changing cabins (which you can hire) as you pass the turnstile. Hiring a locker is perfectly fine and requires less awkward interaction with the staff waiting around to help. There are electronic machines on the walls to read your tag however they're in Hungarian so again, good luck.

I got lost for my pedicure and entered a dead quiet room of treatment cubicles looking like a hospital in the fifties. I just stood there dumbfounded. Lucky a woman showed up and asked if I needed help in English. She checked what I had paid for on my wrist tag and told me to wait.  Another woman showed up, took me to a locked sterile looking room and signalled for me to take off my shoes as she prepared for my feet to be soaked. Ten minutes later she ushered me onto a medical chair and unveiled her trolley of tools...

Yep, those a scalpels. Where the hell where the aromatherapy oils and foot files??? She picked up a sharp glinting tool and took hold of my foot. At that point I was terrified, wishing like crazy that I could speak Hungarian to make sure I was getting a pedicure and not some kind of surgery. 

She started to pare at my feet as if she peeling an apple and a massive amount of dead skin fell away. I could feel the blade scraping but nothing too close. She made me lift my foot towards my head (glad I was wearing jeans) to get to the back of my heel. I could only comply under duress of the swift moving blade. 

Suddenly a man with a moustache enters the room dressed in white. He watches closely with great interest. I'm speechless at the spectacle of me holding my leg in an unlady-like manner while my skin shavings piled up on the tiled floor. He talks to the woman in Hungarian and says to me in English: "She says your feet are very very dry. You need to use foot cream." 

There was no nail painting but that's OK. The pedicure was over and the woman vacuumed my shavings and ushered me outside to wait for my masseuse. A tall man appears. We go into one of the treatment cubicles and there is basically only enough room to move around a hard massage table. (Not the cushioned type with a hole for your face.) He tried to tell me to take off my clothes but I did'nt know to what extent. At that point I'm trying to tell him I want a female masseuse but we had no understanding of each other. He left the cubicle momentarily so I could take off my top and lie down with a sheet over my top half. He enters, uncovers me, squirts oil on his hands and starts massaging my back. 

I'm pleasantly surprised as he's actually really good. In 10 secs I was relaxed like a mound of plasticine. His hands were strong and worked magic. In fact he knew my kinked, stressed out back better than I did!

Afterwards I got to sit in the thermal spas. The warmest ones were the most crowded and if you can get over sitting at close proximity with people of different ages, sizes and body hair coverage, then it's a relaxing experience.

2) Walking:

You will see this woman up in the hills of Buda. From Pest, cross the bridge closest and walk uphill towards her. It's a hard climb but the view is totally worth it. 

A bit foggy from the rain that day, but you get the picture.

Waterfall at the bottom.

3) Nightlife:

Pest is where it's at. Whether you're in it for the cheap and plentiful booze or for a wild stag/hen night, Budapest is perfect. Just be careful crossing the roads at night. Most drivers ignore pedestrians trying to cross and drive very fast.

4) The Danube River. Beautiful, enough said.